Today is not a good day I don't know what is making it this way? I wish I knew of a way to release this tension, stress and anger befor I self destruct, I do not want to cry but lately I have found myself tearing up at just about anything and everythng then it turns into anger. Deep breath "woooosaaaaa" if I keep telling myself this mantra maybe it will make me feel better or atleast help me to release what ever it is I am trying to let go of. I do have sisters and a brother whom I can call but we are all suffering the same illness "MOM" we miss her all the same me I think alot more since I am the only one who did not get to see her befor she past it's kinda hard to believe I hadn't seen her since 2006 no one should miss seeing there parents for that long.

So it has been quite awhile since my mom has been gone, I haven't and don't think that I ever will learn to live with this. I really wish that I could talk to you right now I miss and need your guidance "RIGHT NOW" I reallywish I knew what I could do so that I could just speak with you for a few minutes. I thought that I was helping a young mother find herself when her best friend put her and fher daughter out, low and behold it has caused more stress on my family than any other theyr have argued so much that I am about to lose my mind, I do not know why this boy (my son) doesn't just let her leave I am trying to be as nice as I can in a minute they are both going to gert the fuck out of here I really don't care where he goes, but this is the last straw. Sorry this turned out to be like this mom if you were still here I would have somewhere to turn and talk to but instead I have no one who understands me tight now and I am loosing myself to grief I am trying to fight this battle alone and it is hard. I'll be back later when I go into a rage cause of all of this bye for now. 

ME   

This blog will now be dedicated to my mom Rose M. Jones, sunrise October 24, 1957 sunset May 28, 2012. My mom passed this Memorial day and I am so heart broken we brought her home on June 8th 2012 and had her viewing Monday June 11,2012. So many people loved and came to show their love for her and I was so amazed by how everyone came together for my mom and my family it was a hard and long day. Now that we are left here alone me, Trish, David and Cookie everyone say's that I am in charge now how am I to accomplish that I am not as strong as my mom may have everyone to believe. I have never been the strong one I cry often now where I never use to cry before it took me by shock to see her that way, no big bright smile no hey "boo boo" that's what she used to call me cause I am the oldest, any ways I am going to blog here regarding my feelings everyday and if anyuone wants to respond or tell me how they got over the loss I would greatly appreciate it. Thank you & I love and miss you mom really really miss you...