Oct 2013

It's October already your birthday is just around the corner, its also been a year and 6 months since you went into God's arms I miss you still and talk to you a lot. I guess you have been watching me, lol I am still very clumbsy I broke three toes on my left foot on Sept 2nd, then turn around and had a severe allergic reaction on Rose'as bday on the 28th (Sept) drove myself to the hospital well......almost through the hospital my tongue was cutting off my air supply, but I'm better now. Rose'a had an awesome bday she's 11 now yeah growing fast I know wish you would've got the chance to know her she is very smart, and soft hearted kind of like u hence her name. You have another grandson on the way unbelievable lol Cookies having another baby Smh never thought that would happen,but I'm happy for her. Oh they repo'd my car now I have to buy it back flat out 4 grand but that's alright it is what it is. I'm going to try and post more better times I hope love u always mom.

Today is not a good day I don't know what is making it this way? I wish I knew of a way to release this tension, stress and anger befor I self destruct, I do not want to cry but lately I have found myself tearing up at just about anything and everythng then it turns into anger. Deep breath "woooosaaaaa" if I keep telling myself this mantra maybe it will make me feel better or atleast help me to release what ever it is I am trying to let go of. I do have sisters and a brother whom I can call but we are all suffering the same illness "MOM" we miss her all the same me I think alot more since I am the only one who did not get to see her befor she past it's kinda hard to believe I hadn't seen her since 2006 no one should miss seeing there parents for that long.

So it has been quite awhile since my mom has been gone, I haven't and don't think that I ever will learn to live with this. I really wish that I could talk to you right now I miss and need your guidance "RIGHT NOW" I reallywish I knew what I could do so that I could just speak with you for a few minutes. I thought that I was helping a young mother find herself when her best friend put her and fher daughter out, low and behold it has caused more stress on my family than any other theyr have argued so much that I am about to lose my mind, I do not know why this boy (my son) doesn't just let her leave I am trying to be as nice as I can in a minute they are both going to gert the fuck out of here I really don't care where he goes, but this is the last straw. Sorry this turned out to be like this mom if you were still here I would have somewhere to turn and talk to but instead I have no one who understands me tight now and I am loosing myself to grief I am trying to fight this battle alone and it is hard. I'll be back later when I go into a rage cause of all of this bye for now. 

ME   

This blog will now be dedicated to my mom Rose M. Jones, sunrise October 24, 1957 sunset May 28, 2012. My mom passed this Memorial day and I am so heart broken we brought her home on June 8th 2012 and had her viewing Monday June 11,2012. So many people loved and came to show their love for her and I was so amazed by how everyone came together for my mom and my family it was a hard and long day. Now that we are left here alone me, Trish, David and Cookie everyone say's that I am in charge now how am I to accomplish that I am not as strong as my mom may have everyone to believe. I have never been the strong one I cry often now where I never use to cry before it took me by shock to see her that way, no big bright smile no hey "boo boo" that's what she used to call me cause I am the oldest, any ways I am going to blog here regarding my feelings everyday and if anyuone wants to respond or tell me how they got over the loss I would greatly appreciate it. Thank you & I love and miss you mom really really miss you...

Stressed

I am feeling alittle indifferent today I guess thats how you would say it, I love school and always have it has been my savior from the bad things all my life as long as I could get away from my life and live in another then I knew everything would be alright, but lately things are beginning to change for me I don't feel as great about life as I should Imean I have a beautiful family and we have our share of problems just like everyone else but, it seems as if laely I am just a little on the edge of blowing up and although I try to bite my tongue (ALOT) I am just keeping all that frustration locked up inside of me and it is beginnig to take its toll on my spirit and my flesh.........

Just another day

I started this blog for school and although I don't visit it very much and I don't know if anyones reads it I often find myself coming back here to release some type of stress or anxiety that I am going through at the moment so here is my issue this week. I am married and have been for almost 11 years now, for the past four years I have ben single handedly taking care of everything (bills, kids....) and my husband doesn't see anything wrong with that I only work part time at a job that only pays me $10.67 an hour and I am trying to take care of a family of four this is beginning to get a lot stressful for me and I am getting tired and the more I say I need help the more my pleading goes unanswered, what am I to do? I need help with our economy getting so bad I am afraid that we are going to become homeless that is something that I cannot handle again we were homeless for 3 years already and he just ran off, huh! guess I was dumb for letting heim come back in the first place, but when you have been withthe same person your whole life that's a strong bond to that person we have been together for 20+ years wish Iknew what to do talking just ain't getting it....

God children????

I am a litte blue today my god daughter says that her family really doesn't know her??? and from what we found out this am we really don't how can someone so young hide thmselves from the people who love her the most?? she is so young and has done so many sneaky things she thinks no one loves her yet she is given all the opportunities in the world she has more than your average teen would even dream of yet she is sending nude photos of herself to people on the internet, that is so crazy doesn't she understand that she has to live with what she put out there once it's there everyone will see it... then she lies about it has fits, throws tantrums and wants to fight almost like she is two different people and the only reason her mom found out about this is because her grades started slipping and she took her Ipod touch, so as a warning parents monitor you childrens computer, internet, cellphone anything electrical activities because they could be putting themselves in harms way in the worse way... bye for now L